What I learnt from being dropped by an A-List actor (who was also my crush)

Once I stopped crying that is…

They say a TV writing career is full of ups and downs. Mine certainly is. When my movie-star actor crush wanted to be the star of the TV show I was writing, I thought Oh my God, this manifestation thing really works, that my life was about to change, work would come piling in, we would get married, and I would be set for life.

[The A List Actor I worked with isn’t Michel B Jordan - he’s young enough to be my son! The A Lister in question shall remain forever a secret - image courtesy of MGM ]

In the industry, when you link up with hot talent, we call this “getting an actor attached”.

When actors are attached to shows, there is no written contract — well, there wasn’t in my case. In my case, there was just a strong INTENTION from the actor to be the lead character in the show. This intention involved lots of meetings with him (some of which I wasn’t privy to), him reading scripts and giving feedback, and one thrilling get-to-know-you phone call on Valentine’s Day.

However, the A Lister’s commitment to the project was always tinged with some uncertainty, but it was an exciting time, and I was so happy — that was until my dreams turned to dust. I remember putting on a brave face when the Exec producer told me that the A Lister had dropped the show, but later on, when I was all by myself, I cried. However, I’m still standing, and this is what I learnt.

THE CURRENT TV LANDSCAPE IS TOUGH (EVEN WITH AN A LISTER ATTACHED)

In the UK there are about 400 TV production companies, hundreds of which sprang up during Covid in an attempt to take advantage of all the TV watching. Now that heady time is over and there are too many shows out there looking for a green light than there are slots. (To greenlight something means that commissioners like BBC, NETFLIX, Disney, Apple will give you the money to make your show and broadcast it on their platform.) I don’t know how many shows they commission, but when the BBC announced their new shows for 2024, there were only about 12 on the list. I really can’t imagine there being more than 50 new UK shows greenlit each year across all of the Platforms.

Because of this, production companies try to attach famous directors, actors and writers to their projects to make their projects more appealing to the commissioners. (Jack Thorne, anyone? You heard of this writer? Every producer wants him. He’s like the biggest writer in the UK). Therefore, having an A List TV and Movie actor like say, Kate Winslet, attached to your TV project is almost like a guarantee that your show will be greenlit.

Almost in my case.

A LISTER TV ACTORS ARE DIFFERENT TO A LISTER MOVIE ACTORS

I was told by a producer that the TV watching audience in the UK is different from the movie watching audience. I don’t 100% believe that because I could watch this A Lister sitting in a room watching paint dry whatever the medium but I do get that TV A Listers don’t necessarily translate to Movie A listers.

I know of famous TV faces, usually from the UK soaps that don’t do movies but are massive and are cast in several TV shows a year in the UK because the TV watching audience loves them — Sarah Lancashire and Sheridan Smith spring to mind. If we’re talking about men, I guess Stephen Graham is quite hot in TV now after Adolescence and Boiling Point. I’m not sure he’s in any movies.

[Sheridan Smith - Wiki]

A LISTER TALENT TENDS TO BE TYPECAST

When you read about actors complaining that they are always getting the same scripts sent to them, this is called typecasting.

I loved my project because it would have shown this A Lister in a different light. It was so exciting. But commissioners tend to commission what they believe the A Lister can sell. When I think about our UK TV star Sarah Lancashire, she’s nearly always playing some type of cop or a strong female role. I’ve only seen Sheridan playing a plucky working-class heroine on TV.

[Sarah Lancashire - Digital Spy - Dave Bennett/Getty]

NEVER TELL YOUR FRIENDS AND FAMILY YOU’RE WORKING WITH AN A LIST ACTOR

So when I got the gig I talked about it. I sang like a canary. I think I even celebrated with champagne at one point. I really thought I’d hit the big time.

And the result was like when you throw a pebble in a lake — my success was my family’s success and their friend’s envy and so forth.

People who never normally spoke to me wanted a conversation, albeit about the A Lister. My family and I were all planning on which family member I’d take with me when the A Lister and I went out for a drink. It was exciting to show my friends the A Lister’s name in my phone contacts. (I wonder if the number’s been changed… that phone’s broken anyway so I’ve lost all my old contacts). And I dined out on relaying the contents of THAT Valentine’s Day phone call for about a year.

But when the A Lister left the project, I suddenly felt shame and embarrassment. Like I’d let everyone down. Like I’d been so foolish to dare to dream.

Indeed, when I broke the news to family members, one of them said, “Don’t tell anyone…” but I couldn’t pretend. It did, however, take a few months before I could speak about our uncoupling without tearing up. And it wasn’t that bad. People were like, “Oh, okay. What you doing next?”

CONCLUSION

A year later, the loss is nowhere near as painful, and I know these near misses are good for me, and I see them as evidence that I’m getting one step closer to being an in-demand TV writer. Many years ago, I had another near miss with a lesser well-known face (maybe B-Lister actor?)who we tried to attach to a project in the capacity of director but failed. So in the grand scheme of things, I am making progress.

I’ll never know 100% why the A Lister dropped the show before it was greenlit, but I have my suspicions. I’m also over the marriage thing - not because he dropped me but mostly cos he’s happily married and meeting your movie star crush in real life with their movie star ways kinda makes you realise it ain’t ever gonna happen! Sadly, for me, I’m not living in a rom-com novel.

I know my worth as a writer doesn’t hinge on whether my friends and family are impressed or not (but it’s a nice buzz when they are cos it’s so hard trying to make it as a writer that you have to celebrate the wins) and I don’t know if I’ll ever be in a situation where I’m writing a show with a big star attached again, but if it does happen, I’ll hold back on the victory lap until things are concrete.